He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
