I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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