Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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