Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
