i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize