you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
