when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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