I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
