What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
