apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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