I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
