So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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