when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
