I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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