You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
COCAINE IS GR8
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
