Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
