so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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