Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
