AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just pee around me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
