i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
