Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
