we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
they call him Oral-B. enough said
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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