I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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