Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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