when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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