Sponge bath it is.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize