you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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