just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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