Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
