after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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