Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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