At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
