I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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