The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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