Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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