If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
