Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
