my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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