The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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