I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
