I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
