a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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