i don't like sucking hair
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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