Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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