question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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