He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
