that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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