Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
