i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's official drugs can't kill me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
