Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
