what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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