So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
