We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
