Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Randomize
