just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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