no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
