Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
