what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
no, he came in my armpit
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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