My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
