he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i think my cat just said my name.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
