I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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