Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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