In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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