So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
