i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it's like heaven, but drunker
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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