my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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