I think my vagina is haunted
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you didnt know i had herpes?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
