if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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