remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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